walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
