Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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