Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
