In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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