Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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