and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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