There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
