You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
