Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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