I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
