"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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