Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
