I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
