and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
