It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize