Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
