mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
