if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
