kristin has been a bad kristin
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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