Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize