it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
