At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i now understand why vodka
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
