I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize