there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
