I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
