Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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