i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
