Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
