so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
