I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
