you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
