I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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