i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
