The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
