Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
