So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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