We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
