Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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