I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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