You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are we still banned from the library?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
