The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we should paint friendship bongs
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