There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
