"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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