Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I want to fling myself into the sun
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
