i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
