so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
