SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
