I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
