I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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