That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
