i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
