so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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