I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
