What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
