his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
