im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
