Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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