guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
