this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
