I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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