pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
