puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
