We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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