New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
