So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
