She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You dont lie about slip and slides
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
