so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
