Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
only you would photoshop your dick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
