i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
