The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
