My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize